The Kindness That Hurts

There’s a growing idea that being kind means always being agreeable.
That protecting someone’s feelings is more important than protecting their future.

This mindset is often praised as empathy. But more often than not, it becomes something else entirely.
Toxic compassion.

It’s when short-term emotional comfort is prioritized over truth, reality, and long-term well-being.
When the focus shifts from doing good to simply looking good.

It shows up everywhere in culture, disguised as fairness, tolerance, and empathy.

People claim that body fat has no relation to health or lifespan, simply to avoid offending anyone.
Even if this lie contributes to real health issues down the road.

Parents allow unlimited screen time and unrestricted social media access because setting boundaries feels too uncomfortable.
Even though it risks long-term effects on their child’s development, self-esteem, and attention span.

We pretend children from single-parent homes face no extra challenges, ignoring research and reality.
And in doing so, we fail to offer the support those families actually need.

Some activists chant “Defund the Police” out of a desire to correct perceived injustice.
But the unintended result? Increased crime in the very communities they wanted to protect.

These are not malicious actions. They come from a desire to do good.
But intent isn’t everything.

Elon Musk recently responded to criticism of his political stance and environmental impact.
He pointed out the massive effect Tesla has had on the electric vehicle industry and global emissions reduction.

“What I care about is the reality of goodness, not the perception of it.
And what I see all over the place is people who care about looking good, while doing evil.”
— Elon Musk

That’s the real tradeoff at play. Looking good vs actually doing good.

Telling people what they want to hear is easy.
It feels kind.
But long-term, it’s often more harmful than the truth.

It’s the toddler who wants ice cream every night.
Giving in keeps the peace.
But we all know the result if that pattern continues.

Like Jordan Peterson said in a conversation:

“That’s exactly what the Oedipal situation is.
It’s the prioritisation of short-term emotional comfort over long-term thriving.
It’s going to hurt now, but the long consequences are positive.
If you give up your children to the world, you will keep them.”

Real empathy sometimes looks like telling hard truths.
Even if it makes you unpopular in the moment.

The opposite is performative empathy.
It’s saying what looks good, sounds right, and gets applause, without actually caring about outcomes.

And nowhere is that more visible than online.

You can be cruel, dishonest, and apathetic in real life,
but if your profile says the right things and you post the right hashtags,
you’ll still be celebrated as a moral leader.

That’s the problem.
We’ve made the performance of goodness more valuable than the practice of it.

Virtue gets rewarded as long as it sounds good.
But no one stress-tests the reality behind the claims.

“Look at how good I am.”
Well, if the “look at” comes before the “good I am,” it really wreaks havoc on the claim.”

Be cautious of those who obsess over saying the right things.
Because sometimes, they’re the ones doing the least.

Until next time,

Lorenc - Founder of Success Skill