Why You Feel Behind

Hi friend,

You're scrolling Instagram at 11 PM.

Some guy your age just posted about his new startup raising $2M. Another one's showing off his six-pack abs. Your old college friend is in Bali. Again.

And you? You're sitting there in sweatpants, wondering why everyone else has their life figured out while you're still trying to get your morning routine consistent.

Here's what you need to understand: you're not actually behind.

You're just comparing your behind-the-scenes to everyone else's highlight reel.

The Comparison Trap

Back in 1954, a psychologist named Leon Festinger discovered something fundamental about human nature.

He found that people have a basic drive to evaluate themselves by comparing themselves to others. It's not a flaw in your character. It's wired into your brain.

The problem? Festinger studied this in a world where you compared yourself to maybe 50 people you actually knew.

Today? You're comparing yourself to thousands of strangers every single day.

Research shows that as much as 10% of our thoughts involve comparisons of some kind. That's roughly 3,500 comparison thoughts per day if you're making 35,000 decisions daily.

Your brain is working overtime, constantly measuring where you stand.

The Highlight Reel Problem

Here's where it gets worse.

Social media isn't showing you reality. It's showing you everyone's carefully curated best moments.

Nobody posts about:

• The business idea that failed

• The argument they had with their partner

• The anxiety attack at 3 AM

• The rejection email from the job they wanted

• The days they didn't go to the gym

Studies found that spending more time on social media and viewing it more frequently provides people with the opportunity to engage in social comparisons, which is associated with greater depressive symptoms.

Think about that. The more you scroll, the worse you feel. Not because your life is bad, but because you're comparing your messy reality to someone else's polished 5%.

The Success You Don't See

That guy who posted about raising $2M? He probably spent two years being rejected by 50 investors before one said yes. He's not posting about the nights he cried in his car or the credit card debt he racked up keeping his startup alive.

The fitness influencer with abs? He's not showing you the eating disorder he struggled with, the body dysmorphia, or the fact that he's dehydrated in that photo to make his muscles pop.

Your friend in Bali? They're probably working a remote job they hate to afford the lifestyle, dealing with loneliness from constantly moving, and wondering if they're wasting their 20s traveling instead of building something real.

Everyone feels behind. That's the secret nobody tells you.

Even the people you think have it all figured out are scrolling through someone else's feed at night, feeling inadequate.

Why Your Brain Does This

Here's the neuroscience part:

When you see someone else's success, your brain automatically does an "upward comparison" - comparing yourself to someone who appears better off.

Research found that people generally tend to choose upward comparisons rather than downward ones, and surprisingly, feeling threatened actually increases upward comparisons rather than decreasing them.

Translation: when you're already feeling bad about yourself, your brain seeks out more reasons to feel bad. It's like picking at a wound.

People feel worse after an upward comparison and better after a downward comparison. But here's the problem - social media is designed to show you upward comparisons all day long.

The Algorithm Doesn't Care About Your Mental Health

Social media platforms make money by keeping you engaged. And what keeps you engaged?

Content that triggers emotion. Envy. FOMO. Inadequacy.

The algorithm learns what makes you scroll longer, and feeds you more of it. It's not a conspiracy. It's just business.

But the cost is your peace of mind.

What To Do About It

Look, I'm not going to tell you to delete social media. That's not realistic.

But you need to change how you consume it.

Remember the 5% rule. You're seeing 5% of someone's life. The other 95% probably looks a lot like yours - messy, uncertain, and full of struggles they're not posting about.

Unfollow liberally. If an account consistently makes you feel bad, unfollow it. Your mental health is worth more than staying updated on someone's life.

Focus on your own timeline. Compare yourself to where you were six months ago, not to where someone else is today. That's the only comparison that matters.

Celebrate other people's wins. When you can genuinely be happy for someone else's success instead of envious, you've broken the comparison trap. Their success doesn't diminish yours.

The Truth

Everyone is on their own path, moving at their own pace.

Some people get their first win at 22. Some at 42.
Neither is wrong.

The guy who "made it" at 25 might burn out by 30. The person who took the slow path might build something that lasts decades.

You're not behind. You're exactly where you need to be, learning what you need to learn.

The only person you're in competition with is the person you were yesterday.

Until Next Monday
Lorenc - Founder of Success Skill